For just a $25 ticket good for both days (or $20/day at the door), you can mingle your dingle with exhibitors like :

• The American Association for Nude Recreation
• Bare Necessities Tour & Travel which is planning a 3,000-nudist cruise on the Carnival Freedom  that sails to Panama and Costa Rica in February 2013
• Clothing Optional Home Network
• Cypress Cove Nudist Resort
• NudistClubhouse.com and
• SingleNudist.com

[WARNING: the above links lead to nudist websites that no doubt feature photos of nudists doing barenaked things which is the point of this story so no whining]

Also and unrelated: the website logo for NudistClubhouse is kinda cute:

Anyway, back to this whole nude convention that you’re going to meet me at…

By some weird and unfortunate oversight, the Alexis Park is a CLOTHING MANDATORY hotel (plus the backup accommodations, a.k.a. ‘The Nude Hotel’, is sold out. Wait a minute… there’s a nude hotel in Las Vegas?!).

So during the expo, we’ll have to cover our beautiful, God-given bodies while we hob-knob at the exhibitor booths. I know: how icky, right? But come night time, the shackles come off, our pants will vanish, and that’s when things’ll get totally wild and freaky, man.

For example, on Friday evening from 6 to 11 pm, there’s a Nude BBQ/Pool Party. It’ll be held at the nude hotel, you must be at least 21 years of age and willing to endure sizzling hot hamburger juices splattering your tender, exposed genitals.

Tickets are $65/each, which gets you the BBQ Dinner, two drinks, the ‘DJ Dance’, and of course, full frontal immersion in the pool and jacuzzi. Mmmm, wouldn’t you love to be the poor chump who has to clean the pool filter the next morning?

Then again: why bother? There’s going to be ANOTHER Nude BBQ/Pool Party on Saturday night, too! Same cost, same two drinks, same DJ Dance. The only difference is there’ll be EVEN MORE leathery, jacuzzi-puckered skin on display. And if there isn’t, I’ll demand a refund (but not cash).

On Saturday morning, the keynote speaker will be some guy named Andrew Einhorn who basically publishes photo books of what he calls ‘naked happy girls’ or as my dad would call it, “smut”.

It all sounds absolutely brilliant. But the best part might be our Sunday morning activity. While the rest of America will be praying in church, you and your Las Vegas nudist pals will play a round of ‘Nude Glow-in-the-Dark Mini-Golf’ at a KISS-themed mini golf course. I’m not making this up.

According to the website, the recently-opened “Rock Band KISS themed, indoor glow-in-the-dark, mini-golf course is ours for two hours of nude use!”

Your $28 ticket gets you:

• Entrance into the facility for the nude private party
• A sub sandwich & soda lunch
• A round of glow-in-the-dark mini-golf
• A “vow-renewal group nude wedding ceremony (for interested couples)”
• Use of “coin-operated video games (bring money for video games)”

Yep, I can’t think of a more romantic experience than a vow-renewal group nude wedding ceremony at a KISS-themed, glow-in-the-dark mini-golf course in the middle of the Nevada desert. Especially when everyone’s wearing fanny packs full of quarters for the post-ceremony bouts of Ms. Pac Man.

I can’t wait. It’s only May but already this is going to be The Best Summer Ever!

— Ken Hegan

Read all of Ken’s MSN travel posts here and follow Ken to victory on Twitter

Photo of office nudists by OJO Images / Rex Features