Check this out…it’s a hotel room suspended above a vineyard.
Fall out of bed — or drink too much Malbec — and you’ll crush some grapes or be impaled on a vine stake.

This one-of-a-kind, ‘Limited Edition’ loft is located in the vineyard of the Entre Cielos Hotel, a boutique luxury vineyard hotel and spa in the Mendoza region of Argentina’s eastern Andes foothills. The Mendoza region has some of the highest altitude vineyards in the world. Far as I can tell, it also boasts the only hotel room perched on stilts over sun-baked grapes.

Just look at this thing.

I’ve never seen anything like it. With its curved ceiling and open-plan tubular design, it looks like a rocket launcher or a tipped over wine bottle. Stay here for a night and you’ll feel like you’ve sipped yourself Sideways.

For $430 US a night, your vineyard loft offers:

-queen bed

-nooks for reading/passing out

-red cushions to disguise spills

-white walls to capture the splatter

-mini bar

-free wi-fi

-safe deposit box

-flat screen/satellite TV

-telephone to harass the front desk (“Bellhop, we want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here, and we want them now!”)

-air conditioning

-iPod dock, Bose sound system

-chandelier for swinging

-curved walls to make you feel like you’ve been stuffed into a pneumatic tube

-skylights for wine-drenched stargazing

-full bathroom inside (to prevent late-night vine peeing)

-hardwood deck with patio seating

-outdoor bath tub for you to enjoy, naked as a jaybird, as you stare at the snow-capped Andes and ogle the sweaty workers tending to your grapes

Yes, all this can be yours. Plus the main hotel’s spa (the mother ship, if you will) offers a host of grape-based treatments like exfoliating you with grape seeds.

Sure, you can stay in a regular hotel room — off the vineyard — for as low as $280 a night. You can even eat dinner there and go for a swim. But what would be the point? How could you sleep at night when you knew you could be drinking inside a tube suspended above the grapes that lovingly sacrifice themselves for your pleasure?

I’m in. To raise the 430 bucks, I just need to cash in some of my empties.

How about you…would you pay top dollar to sleep/stagger around a vineyard loft on stilts?

— Ken Hegan

Read all Ken’s travel stories here

Twitter: @KenHegan

Photos courtesy the hotel